‘Our moms used to manage everything on their own’
‘Hamare zamane mein koi baai nai hoti thi. Ghar bacche, itni badi family, sab akele hi sambhala hai’
‘You stay home all day, still you need a full time maid?’
‘Arre nayi nayi maa bani ho na.. aisa lagta hai shuru mein. baad mein aadat ho jati hai.’
‘You are working from home. Why do you need Nanny or Daycare?’
Sounds Familiar?
Though people have started talking about mental health with a little less stigma but maternal mental health is still disregarded.
Every time a mother shares what she is going through, she usually is told that it is a part of motherhood.
We have seen our moms & aunts toil day and night without any help and heard stories of our grandmoms, how they have handled a family of 10 or more single handedly that we have been made to believe that asking for help is a sin.
If we ask for help, we will be judged and looked down upon. We will be tagged as incapable mothers.
A mom is expected to do it all and the one who can do it all is portrayed as an ideal mom in REAL and REEL life.
Everyone else can ask for help, they can be dependent on other person but a Mom can’t?
Why?
It is time to break the chain and normalize asking for help.
In this Post, You will Find
- Here is how I made my life easier and maintain my mental health.
- I ask my husband and/or my family
- 1. To change the diaper/wet pants
- 2. To feed the kid when the kid needs help
- 3. To bathe the kid
- 4. To take the kid out to park
- 5. To help with the laundry
- 6. To take out the garbage
- 7. To add the item to the common grocery list by themselves
- 8. To get the Diaper Bag ready
- 9. To get the kid ready for school
- 10. To take over the medicine chart and the responsibility
Here is how I made my life easier and maintain my mental health.
I ask my husband and/or my family
1. To change the diaper/wet pants
Changing a diaper or a wet nappy seems like a trivial job but if you have to do it 100 of times, it starts taking a toll. The good thing, one doesn’t need to be a mother to do this. So involve your partner or family.
2. To feed the kid when the kid needs help
We started bottle feed, pretty early as we had latching issues and once, I had pumped. One has to do was to feed it to the baby. Another opportunity to share your load.
When our kid started solids, people voluntarily pitched in to feed the baby. But this could be tricky, so I used to prep the food or give specific instructions on how to prep the food and how to feed the baby. And if I wanted to take a break, I knew my kid was in good hands.
3. To bathe the kid
As much as a new mom wants to do it all, I was one of those moms. We need to learn to divide the responsibility and share the load, if we can. We need to trust the people around us who are ready to help or train them in such a way that we could trust them. Initially my MIL and mom took over this activity and later my husband pitched in too.
4. To take the kid out to park
As I said, you don’t have to do it all, every day. Ensuring that the kid is taken care of and is meeting his daily requirement is more important. I take my kid out but when I am feeling low or am busy in other task, my hubby ensure that this activity is taken care of. If any of our parents are there then this responsibility automatically transfers to them.
5. To help with the laundry
This is one of the most boring and tiring job. But if you teach your husband how to separate the washes, half of your mental worries are gone. Now my husband is designated ‘laundry master’ of the house and I check with him if my jeans are washed or not.
6. To take out the garbage
The simplest task you can delegate and get your hands and mind free with.
7. To add the item to the common grocery list by themselves
Grocery list is another one which takes up a lot of space in our mind. Though the list is never ending, it is hard to remember it all amidst other ten thousand things that we do every day. And if you miss anything by chance, your kid will need that specific thing only. So, we have this simple solution, add the item to the list on the fridge as and when anyone remembers or it is over.
8. To get the Diaper Bag ready
Once you handover the diaper bag checklist, it is pretty much taken care. You will just have to worry about the extras that you want to carry rather than the whole regular list.
9. To get the kid ready for school
Mornings are usually more stressful when you have kids who have to reach school ‘on time’ with breakfast and tiffin. Not to mention, waking the kids up is another task. A helping hand is a boon in such a case. My husband pitches in to do the monotonous chores from waking our kid to getting him ready and dropping him. I just need to worry about the breakfast and tiffin.
10. To take over the medicine chart and the responsibility
When the kid is sick, you are mentally exhausted and may be going through the mom guilt already. So, asking someone to be your personal reminder helps a lot. This ensures that you are not missing any doses and keeps your mom guilt in check.
These are just simple things that I lean on for which keeps my mental health in check and doesn’t let me drown in mom guilt.
Not necessary that you need to follow them all or follow these only. Scan your area of comfort and how much help is available and then share the load accordingly.
Even it is smallest of tasks, don’t hesitate as it is one item off YOUR Checklist.
In beginning, it might look like an overhead but Trust Me it is better in longer run.
Mommies, it is OKAY to ask for help!
Many a times people, especially your partner is waiting for you to say those words as they don’t want to step on your shoes and make it worst.
Ask For Help!!
It is a part of self-care as it helps you with YOUR sanity.
Keep filling your own cup as it will help you keep a check on your physical as well as mental health.
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Disclaimer: The views expressed in the article are solely based on author’s experience. Please do not consider it as professional advice.
