A new mother goes through a lot and Postpartum Depression (PPD) is one of them. Many a times, she is unaware of it and brushes it away thinking that it is just Baby-Blues and then there are people around her saying ‘Every Mother goes through this.‘
But if you are one of them who knows that something is not right, then please don’t shy away from reaching out and helping her. Support a mother!
The lingering question in your mind might be “What can I do? How can I help?” When we see someone in distress, we usually are at a loss of words. We want to help but don’t want to overstep the boundaries, especially when we see many people around her.
There may be a village to support a mother but that usually offers support with the baby or physical support. A mother’s mental health is something that takes a backseat as everything revolves around the new-born.
Usually, it is a family member or a friend who recognizes the symptoms of Postpartum Depression, but they don’t know what to say. Here is something to break the ice and reach out to her.
What to say to a Mother going through PPD
I am right here : Telling her that she has someone to lean on, is battle half won for her. Letting her know that she has someone to reach out to, someone to talk to when she is feeling low, gives her reassurance.
Take one moment at a time : Postpartum is tough. Apart from exhaustion from the pushing or being numb after C-section, a mother’s body goes through change in hormones, estrogen and progesterone levels drop dramatically which may cause anxiety, baby blues and even postpartum depression. It all becomes overwhelming for her. Reminding her to take one moment at a time gives her a little peace of mind.
You are a Great Mother : Let these be the words of encouragement and not overburdening expectations. A new mom doubts herself in everything she does. Telling her that she is doing great as words of appreciation will uplift her mood. Don’t tell her that she has got it all as she is a great mother. It may have an impact that may not help her.
You are not alone : Reassuring her that she is not the only one who is going through this period and sharing inspirational stories of mothers who have won this battle, gives a ray of hope.
Let’s seek help from a professional : Mental health is something which should not be taken lightly. It is as real as any physical illness. Do not shy away from seeking help from a professional. Instead, help her to find a good one.
This will Pass : Postpartum Depression is a phase and if one takes care of one’s mental health and seek professional help if required. It can be cured like any physical illness.
If you can’t talk to her or do anything, just acknowledge what she is going through. Please do not give her unsolicited advice or ask her to brush it under the carpet.
How to Support a Mother going through PPD?
A new mom has many things to take care of, so help her in any way you can. Be it as small as looking after her baby/elder kid while she takes a bath or have a ‘hot’ cup of tea or coffee.
And if a mom is going through postpartum depression, then she will need all the support she can so as to pull herself together, take care of herself physically and mentally. No one can pour from an empty cup and especially a mother should not.
Don’t just ask about the baby. ‘Talk’ about her too. When one calls a mother, the very first and the last question is about the baby. No one asks how the mother is doing or handling everything. It makes her feel neglected and at times makes her go through identity crisis.
Lend an ear than giving advice. Humans are great at giving advice whether or not they have had experience in the said matter. And when it comes to parenting, everyone has some advice. When a mother calls you, just listen to her. She may be just ranting to get it all out of her system so that she can go back to her kid(s) sane. Avoid giving advice unless asked for.
Don’t compare her. Telling her an inspirational story of another mom is one thing but comparing her to another mother going through PPD is worst. Every mother is different and so is her postpartum. Respect her and validate her feelings. Don’t make her feel ashamed or guilty for feeling the way she is. She is already going through a lot.
Offer support without stepping on her toes. Mothers are paranoid when it comes to their babies (ask me.. haha). They want to do it all by themselves, forgetting that they are not superhumans and need rest to recover. PPD doesn’t make it easy as they are already feeling guilty for not being able to connect to their child. If you can and want to support a mother, offer to help in such a way that she doesn’t feel bad for not doing enough for her child. Getting groceries, putting away laundry, putting her baby/elder one to sleep while she catches a nap or helping the other kid with homework are some ways to take some tasks off her plate.
Get educated about PPD. Understanding what she is going through makes it easier to empathize. Read about the symptoms, causes and triggers. Get in touch with support groups and talk to a professional or therapist. Book an appointment may be. Offer her to accompany on her doctor’s visit. Encourage her to share her feeling than going through the suffering alone.
Facebook Support Groups:
Remind her that it is temporary and celebrate her small successes too. Appreciate the little steps she is taking to overcome this period and make it a big deal when she succeeds. Encourage her and applaud her.
Postpartum depression or not, every mother needs to take care of her mental health. Support a mother in any way you can so that she can find her sanity back.
We need motivation and hope more than anything in these gloomy times.
Stay Safe!
Stay Healthy Physically & Mentally!
Let’s normalize mental health.
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Disclaimer: The views expressed in the article are solely based on author’s experience. Please do not consider it as professional advice.
